Pet loss and bereavement

We say in counselling that everything is grist for the mill

Well, I sit here waiting for my beloved pet's blood test results, contemplating the outcomes and staring into the void that lies ahead. Reflecting on the impact of pet loss, iI am aware of this being something that comes across as a whisper in the counselling room, An echo of something that is not always outwardly spoken, but resting underneath, in the cellars.

I believe that over time our views and opinions are changing as we embrace more fully the impact animals play in our lives. But is there still, sometimes a fear of judgement around acknowledging the loss of a pet? "But it's only a dog/ cat/ hamster.." "you'll get over it".....

But it's not just that is it?

Our varied and diverse relationships with animals can offer healing and reparation. Often, uncomplicated and straightforward. What you se is what you get. But also free from the pain and hurt some earlier, dysfunctional relationships may have brought. This new connection, as with the client/ counsellor relationship, can gift us feelings of being 'enough' , that we are, in fact, 'good enough'.

So many of us have been there. That childhood memory of our first pet dying. The significance of that early relationship. It makes perfect sense that the prospect pf losing this is going to sting. Like any sense of loss and bereavement, what we may feel is not only the current loss, but all those that have gone before. What we are carrying becomes an entangled and enmeshed weight.

As I stare at the abyss that stretches before me, I am struck by the potential for a creeping guilt. The footsteps of self- blame and that loud and piercing critical voice. Noticing the weight of responsibility. As human beings we tend to embrace potential for a sense of control. Yet, when it comes to the cumbersome decision around euthanasia the control becomes way too heavy.

"why can they not just slip away in the envelope of night?"

I bring myself back from that place and consider the potential to let go. Not of the emotions: the anger, the sorrow and pain. Even the numbness. For I know these have a place. But of the guilt and blame.

I notice the presence.of what I feel. I name and am curious. Does it serve a purpose here, or is it an ancient relic from the past, an incessant cold caller from the cellar.? What does it need from me?

Not all has to be obliterated. What can i still hold on to? The photographs, the places we went together, what you gave me.

1. The continuing bonds model of grief points t this. It relates to the way we may keep alive what we once had.

iI am drawn towards how caring for animals can offer the potential to nurture the 'other' and am struck by how poignant this feels in our current environmental position.

Slowly and surely it may be that we begin to tolerate the new and the old together in thi strange new place. The dance between despair and an occasional touchstone to normality - as described by Stroebe and Schut 2.

For me there is something almost soothing about this place. The sense of something rich and nourishing. Knowing those i care for are experiencing this too, as we crouch and stumble on this turbulent path.

But something more. That I can confront the whisper: the part that holds a secrecy,, A place where the blinds are at half- mast. An existential enquiry. A slowing down,. A wintering.. A time for quiet contemplation. and yet this does not feel so difficult now, I can give this to myself.

if you feel you would like support with grief or loss, or anything that has been mentioned, please get in touch.

sarahweavercounselling@outlook.com

07470307190

1. Continuing bonds

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2. The dual process model

https://psychologytoday

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1. Continuing bonds