Behind the door

The door opens and I am met with a smiling, welcoming face. Seems there is no going back now. My first counselling session is about to begin.  I follow the counsellor up the stairs and into the room: an unfamiliar, but hopeful space. The voices of those that have been before, now absorbed and swallowed. Ready and waiting for the new, and so far, unheard. The potential for what may follow.

I notice a flicker of apprehension, of panic even. What if I forget what I’m here to talk about? What if it no longer matters?

Will she form some opinions about me? Not like me, or think what I say is silly, or unworthy?

A room where light may shine

I pause to consider my own experience of the room that held my voice as well as the fears and worries. A place I returned, week after week, where a familiarity could grow. The sense of myself becoming more established, as the foam in the cushion could begin to melt around my form, supporting and holding me. The soft lighting, glowing, and warming: a focal point when examining a felt sense, or something I cannot quite grasp or articulate.

Over the weeks I get used to voicing what has been tucked down, deep below, for a very long time. Becoming accustomed to my sound in the room. Exploring, leading the way, but travelling with my counsellor on board, to a wide and expansive place. Whilst all around me remains constant and unchanged.

I can become more accepting of myself. For the things that have happened, for my behaviours, the things I have done. I can recognise a growing accountability and can explore the presence of guilt and a deeper shame. The recognition of ways of getting through. An old and weighted bag of patterns and behaviours that perhaps are no longer serving me. 

Something shifting perhaps in terms of validation so that over time I can gather a more solid sense of myself. That I am human, with many flaws and shadows. But mostly that “I am okay after all” I have been heard and acknowledged, my sense of worth steadily growing from discovering something in me that perhaps was always there.

This ties in with Carl Rogers Humanistic theory and the belief that people have an innate bias to find their own way through, like the bulb that can grow when given the right conditions. That this can be reached through receiving care and respect from another. (https://www.simplypsychology.org)

So much happening within, whilst all that is around me remains the same. The same view outside the window, with only a change in the light, or the presence of rain, or wind. A sense of safety in this consistency, allowing me to broaden and develop to face myself and share with another.

The secure base

 I contemplate, but not only my counsellor and the relationship we have built, but the place to which I have returned, week after week, in the same way.

Psychologist John Bowlby (https://positivepsychology.com) spoke of a ‘secure base’, where a child can experience a caregiver as a place of safety to gradually explore the world. This cycle of exploring and returning to base becomes a springboard to the wider world, as the child themselves more willing to spread out the need to return.

For as long as it might take. For as long as I choose to keep returning, this space offers a holding together. A means of surviving the darkest of days. A motionless expanse, when all else is spinning.

A shared room

I am now in the place of offering that space to you. We become those two people in a room together.

 The space that was mine, can become ours.

There is no agenda. No ‘has to be’. But open to seeing what might arrive. A meandering as we travel together.

And, when you are ready, like the child..

A room of one’s own

This journey is now your journey.  I have one of my own and the privilege of being a part of yours too.   

Over time a sense of finding yourself. The room no longer feeling like an essential means of getting through the week; a stability that is becoming outgrown, like a well-loved teenage bedroom.

Little by little, the development of a new space. Your space.  Your own room to discover.  

Please get in touch if you feel you would like to begin your own journey of exploration or if you are struggling with something that is preventing you from finding your own ‘room’ and being able to live life in the ways you might wish.

Here, there has been a focus on the indoor space, but would like to emphasise that I also offer ‘walk and talk’ sessions, where ‘the room’ becomes the nature around us and all that it might represent and inspire.

(https://www.sarahweavercounselling.com)

sarahweavercounselling@outlook.com

07470307190