A Meeting with menopause and ageing

My mother spoke of ‘the change of life’                                                                                     

What change? I couldn’t see anything.

Nevertheless, I decided I didn’t want to change thank you very much.

Ageing and menopause: carried around in an unopened bag, waiting for its unruly arrival. A bit like a silent veil, that can often surround us in relation to death and mortality. It’s there, but we choose not to look.

Perhaps there are stirrings of new voices in relation to menopause.  The volume gradually becoming adjusted. Celebrities beginning to approach and announce, to disrupt the void of silence. But still a way to go perhaps.

An unfair prizing

Unjust, not quite making sense, is the preoccupation with youthfulness. A time of discovery and exploration, with many mistakes along the way. A new and forming sense of self, unsteady and tottering. A longing for validation, where self- worth is rooted in what others may say or are somehow perceived to be thinking. So many of us are experts at being there for others, but not knowing where to start if the focus becomes ourselves.

 What is it that we yearn for so much?

 The desire to look as we did back then. Milky complexions where lines of expression have not yet formed. A body that glides into each movement without question or dispute. A forward stretch of limitless time and possibility.

Okay, I get it: life can feel precious, we desire to live longer and growing older means we gradually notice the slipping away of our time. A loss, a grieving for what we no longer have. The death of parents, a family becoming increasingly independent, a future of retirement.  Becoming like a superfluous part, a useless entity. Ostracized and discarded. Feelings of no longer feeling ‘good enough’, or perhaps we never did.

Pre- menopause and post- menopause

I wasn’t ready either. It came out of the blue. My joints beginning to creak and groan, a morning stiffness as I rose from sleep.  My body juddering towards a different phase, one I didn’t recognise and wasn’t prepared for. The struggle to keep up. Must I try to defy it, or settle into it like a worn and faded armchair?

 Along with the changes in my physical body a new perception: that my days unlived were fewer than those behind me. A blunt full stop as the destination. What had happened to the forward stretch?

An afternoon before the night

I begin to wonder if we could regard our time on earth as an expanding landscape rather than a closing in. There may not be as much in front, but rather like a painter with a vision, is it about what we choose to do with it that matters? Carl Jung described the process of ageing as “the afternoon of life”, a time of ripeness and growth. ‘The affirmation of what has been achieved” https:// jungiancentre.org.

 A time of ‘change’, as my mother had said, and maybe she was right all along. An unfolding towards a fresh start perhaps. I mean, we ‘ve done it before haven’t we? Remember the turbulence of puberty and adolescence, where, similarly, our hormones played havoc? For some of us, the first experience of pregnancy and birth. Times of bodily growth and fluctuations.

A voyage into the unknown

I wonder if some of the difficulty is that there is some unspoken consensus that we are meant to know how to feel at such times. Uncertainty and not knowing feels difficult, like searching for a lost manual. But I can’t help wondering if this can offer the potential for a regeneration, a reclaiming of what it is to be you, in the here- and – now. Sometimes to not know can be a worthy and fruitful place, despite its discomfort.

I begin to sense stirrings of a new perspective. A new rhythm of acceptance into this ageing and creaky body. My sense of self has reshuffled, changed and diverted as I reach for something new.

Counselling can offer support, exploration and validation. If you would like support on this kind of voyage, or any other kind of journey, get in touch. I have a particular interest in working with the challenges that may arise from different life stages.

Reach out, either by email, text or phone. I would love to hear from you and will get back to as soon as possible.